My summer pledge: I pledge to stop making so many “Contingency Comments!” A contingency comment is saying “As soon as….’blank’ happens, I will ‘blank’”. For instance, “As soon as I have a vegetable garden planted, I will plant pumpkins.” Seriously? I’m pledging to you right now, People, that I AM GOING TO PLANT PUMPKINS THIS YEAR – even if it is in my landscaping!
How about this one, “As soon as we have enough saved, we’ll go on vacation.” Over spring break DW and I took the week off to hang with the kids. As there wasn’t enough saved to go on a big vacation, we decided to make spring break into a “Staycation” instead. We let each of the kids have a day where they picked an activity (we gave them a list – go to the zoo, go bowling, go to a movie, go to the museum…) and a place to go out to eat. We had a blast! We had wanted to go to some of the places featured on Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food – because DW and the kids are BIG fans – but decided to make our own “BIG FOOD” at home. You’ll be able to read more about this soon – when I post “Boy vs. Food” on my blog.
Sometimes our contingency comments are smaller… like, “As soon as I finish checking my email, updating my facebook, tweeting my tweeps – I will get down on the floor and play cars with you.” “Honey, if I finish this laundry I will sit next to you and hold your hand.” “Wait until I’m done brushing my teeth – then I’ll give you a hug.” So what if you get toothpaste on them by hugging while still brushing? How many times have you headed out the door with toothpaste or Cheetos or peanut butter smeared somewhere on your person? Was it catastrophic? Was the hug worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
How do I plan to wage this battle against “Contingency Comments”? I’m going to start (you probably saw this one coming) by buying the pumpkin plants I have drooled over for years and planting them in my flower garden. I love pumpkins in the fall and spend a stupid amount of money every year because I have rarely met a pumpkin I didn’t think was adorable and Must. Have. On. My. Porch. NOW. Imagine how much money I’ll save and even better the warm, fuzzy, happy, strawberry cupcake feeling I’ll have inside watching my own pumpkins growing. (Let’s all assume for now that I won’t kill them.)
Next I’m going to make a schedule of time I’ll spend on the computer. And that schedule is going to take into account that when my family is awake and around – they generally want and need and enjoy my attention. (not when I’m on a cleaning rampage – then they wish I’d try to figure out WordPress.org for 8 hours again). And here’s a concept – I’m going to try to stick with that schedule. I believe it was Stephen Covey who said in his book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, “Making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others.” That is HUGE.
Finally, I am going to make a determined effort to engage with my kids. There are so many distractions out there – for kids and adults – that we can easily go days or even weeks without really engaging with each other in ways that don’t involve duty instructions or editorials on wardrobe. DW and I were talking the other night about how easy it is to give all of yourself to folks at work and folks you are connected with on the computer and friends and to forget to give all of yourself to your spouse and kids. (and dogs – sorry, Cooper and Catie!)
You are going to see evidence of the fruits of My Summer Pledge on my blog – where I will be working with the kids on their own posts and photographing the things we do together. I challenge you to make your own “Summer Pledge”! I’d love to hear about it!
A team member at Hayneedle and contributor to the Hayneedle Blog, Cate is the author of the Real Life with Kids blog – www.reallifewithkids.com – and would love to have you stop by for a visit!
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